For much of my time in my first "real" job after graduating from university, I was pretty intimidated by almost everyone around me. I especially felt second place to the senior members of the company and, in particular, the CEO who would often come around for a chat during lunch or pretty much whenever he felt like it. Don't misunderstand me, the CEO was a respectful, charismatic and interesting person who had started the company himself and grown it into an international powerhouse full of bright young people bursting to make an impression. You can see why I was intimidated, right?
As for me, I had been suffering from chronic people-pleasing for much of my life and found this intensified in the work place. I was now not able to study for a test and win my teacher's approval, but rather I was surrounded by equally competant colleagues with the expectations of a demanding manager upon me in an area I had pretty much zero experience. This CEO realised picked up on my lack of confidence and my absolute terror of failure or inadequacy, and being the joker he was, would say I sounded "sorry for existing".
I understand this can sound a little cruel, but it was in fact a pretty useful remark which has stuck with me to this day. So many of us struggle with a sense of not wanting to take up space, not wanting to stand out, not wanting to appear totally clueless even if we are. Essentially, we deny our "existingness". This denial is a problem because it reinforces the image of perfection which we inevitably cannot achieve.
So where does Yoga come in to all this? Well it was a little while after leaving that company that I really discovered Yoga in a way that went beyond the gymnastics or the physical performance that we see so often today. The simple practice of breathing and moving, or participating in my own existance, began a beautiful journey back to myself.
When we practice Yoga regularly, we realise it is not a bar by which we measure ourselves. It doesn't ask us to be more flexible or stronger (although it will likely gift our bodies these things anyway). Yoga firmly but gently puts the mind back in to it's rightful place, as equal to and not superior than the body or the breath. We see clearly that we cannot be inferior to anyone or anything, no matter the situation in which we find ourselves. Our society thrives on hierarchies and competition and Yoga reminds us that this is in fact an illusion.
A regular Yoga practice allows us to enjoy our existingness, just as it is, without needing to get anywhere, improve anything or impress anyone.
What a relief!
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